My journey tonight brings me to reflecting on where I am in life. I have come to the realization that I am in one of those moments where you say “I have become my mother.” It’s not a typical form though. It’s not the “Because I said so…” moment. It’s the moment that I realize that I am basically RELIVING the SAME life my mother led. Married, divorced, raising children alone, an ex who doesn’t pay his child support, same health issues, struggling to get by, taking care of my brother (who is quadriplegic – for my mother it was her son). How does this happen? Do we subconsciously do this to ourselves? My mother was a wonderful lady. There are many traits I am proud to have received from her. However, her life (in general) is not one of them. I will not go into detail about her life (nor mine at the moment). But, I do know one thing. I can sit here and let it happen to me the way that it happened to her, or I can do something about it.
Sometimes life just seems so overwhelming. I really have to say that considering what has transpired in my life, I tend to be a fairly positive person. Some people have told me that they can’t believe I can still laugh after some of the things that have occurred in my life. I, however, choose to be grateful for what I do have; even grateful for those experiences which were somewhat horrendous. I choose to realize that, even though the sun hides quite a bit from me at times, I still have it better than most of the world just for the mere fact that I live in America.
I know I am just going through a rough time. It seems like a very long rough time, but I keep my hope alive by knowing that “someday” I will have the great gifts that are talked about by many. I know if I keep believing, if I keep striving and doing my part, that my day will come. With all the things that have happened, I still feel that I am very blessed. I have many wonderful friends, family, and a beautiful peaceful place to live. This is my journey. This is what makes me stronger. I hope that my life is one of inspiration and not of pity. Only I can make that happen. The way I respond to my experiences is what makes the difference!