My wandering ways have led me to venturing into the world of self-employment. Woo hoo! I decided to jump into a new business. Well, actually two businesses (helpethan.com & fityoungminds.org). I’ve always been a helper; a people pleaser. I derive great pleasure in knowing I have made someone’s day a little brighter; a little easier.
My life has been very full of a wide variety of experiences, some good (some great), some bad (some downright awful). I believe that the things that happen to us, happen for a reason. One of those reasons is to be able to empathize with others, to really understand what they are going through, and to be there for and learn from each other.
So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to begin a business that would help teens and young adults; provide life skills to survive and thrive! In the process I am learning that I still (at times) do not implement those coping skills. I know what they are – I just don’t implement them. Is the old adage “Those who can’t teach” true? Well, yesterday I certainly felt that way.
All of the stresses that come with starting a new business came crashing down on me. During the experience, I felt like a hypocrite. Here I am trying to teach others how to cope when I cannot even do it myself. I decided to share this instead of hide my guilt and shame, as again, this is what I am trying to teach.
There is nothing to be ashamed of when you get overwhelmed. Even the best, most calm, people have their moments. I was lucky enough to have this meltdown during a routine medical appointment. It was my first appointment with this medical professional. Boy was it her lucky day! (sarcasm). In all truthfulness, it was my lucky day. She began to ask me questions and I burst into tears. She was so understanding, non-judgmental, & calm. All things I needed at that moment. I told her about all that was happening. She asked if I wanted to speak with a social worker. I quickly answered yes.
Another blessed meeting. She saw me immediately during her already packed day. I told her my woes. I told her how I was starting businesses and how silly I felt due to the irony of the nature of the business. She assured me that it was okay to feel this way; just because my business was helping people, doesn’t mean I am not human. She told me – as a matter of fact, when people are in this type of business it is a good idea to receive counseling because of the pressure that comes with the territory. I already know this from my education in psychology, but for various reasons I was putting myself in a place that I shouldn’t…perfection.
Life has taught me many things. I know that sometimes I will succeed and sometimes I will fail. I learned that both are useful. My meltdown wasn’t a failure, but actually a new tool that I can use. A reminder to keep a balance. You see, at the moment I am out of balance. My total focus is on these two businesses.While I still give time to other things, THIS IS MY TOTAL FOCUS. You cannot be in balance if one thing is loading down one side of your scale.
I am starting over today. That’s the great thing about life. Every day is a new day. We can change our perspective and try again. Of course there will be days when this will happen again (I know right – will I ever learn?!). I am, as I said, human. We all tend to get off track. It is then that I know God will put the right people in my path to get me back in balance. I will look into my balance bag; shuffle through my life experiences; find the skills I have built; and pull out my reminders of just how to do that!